Back when I was growing up, my grandfather had a saying: "A man’s got just two jobs—fix what’s broken and bring something home for dinner." But if you tell that to a young guy today, you might get a blank stare—or a laugh. The playbook has changed, sometimes overnight, and nobody sent out a group text explaining the new rules. You can see it everywhere: at the school drop-off, in college stats, even in mental health clinics. Today we peek behind those numbers and stories to get at the heart of what’s going on for boys and men in 2025.
When the Map Changes: Men in a Cultural Revolution
You are living through a cultural revolution—one that has transformed the economic and social landscape for both women and men. Over the past few decades, the economic empowerment of women has upended traditional roles, especially for men. Where once there was a clear script—be the provider, the head of household, the breadwinner—now there is ambiguity, and for many, a sense of being adrift. This shift is at the heart of what many describe as a young men in crisis (0.19-0.30).
In the not-so-distant past, men’s roles were tightly defined. Your father or grandfather likely grew up knowing exactly what was expected: work hard, support a family, be the main provider. Women, on the other hand, were often economically dependent, with marriage less a choice and more a necessity. As Gloria Steinem and others advocated, the goal was to make marriage optional by empowering women economically—and in many advanced economies, this has largely been achieved (0.44-0.54).
But as research shows, this rapid progress for women has left a gap for men. The old certainty of needing to become a breadwinner has faded, but nothing clear has replaced it. The script for women has been rewritten with opportunity and independence. For men, the script has mostly been torn up, replaced by a growing list of “don’ts” rather than new “dos” (12.12-12.41).
What does this mean for you, or for the men and boys around you? It means that the roles that once provided identity and purpose are now uncertain. Many men report feeling “useless” or “worthless” as a result of this identity gap. In fact, when researchers analyzed the words men used before taking their own lives, “useless” and “worthless” were the most common. As one expert put it,
“The most fatal place to end up as a human being is to feel unneeded.”(0.50-0.58)
The numbers are sobering. There’s been a massive rise in young men who are single, partnerless, and childless. The suicide rate among men is now four times higher than among women, and it is still rising (0.39-0.43). In the UK, suicide is the leading cause of death for men under 45 (9.41-9.44). These are not just statistics—they are signals of a deeper crisis, one where the challenges faced by men and boys are often overlooked in the broader conversation about gender and equality.
This isn’t just about economics. It’s about meaning. The economic liberation of women has outpaced the creation of new, positive roles for men, contributing to an identity crisis among boys and men. The shift has been so fast that, as one therapist shared, the hardest part of therapy for men isn’t always about “being feminist enough”—sometimes it’s about feeling adrift, unsure of what it means to be masculine in a world where the old rules no longer apply (1.00-1.24).
You might notice that while women’s roles have expanded, men’s have become less defined. The old map is gone, but the new one is still being drawn. As one observer noted,
“We’ve replaced the old script for women with many opportunities, but have not written a new one for men.”(12.41-12.43) This transition period parallels other social shifts in history, but it is happening faster and with less guidance than ever before.
The consequences are clear: stagnating wages, rising mental health challenges, and a growing sense of isolation among men. The challenges faced by men and boys today are complex, touching on everything from economic opportunity to emotional well-being. As society debates positive masculinity vs toxic masculinity, it’s crucial to recognize that many men are searching for purpose and identity in a world where the old answers no longer fit.
Numbers Don’t Lie: Men’s Health and Mental Health in 2025
When you look at men’s health statistics in 2025, the numbers are stark—and they tell a story that’s hard to ignore. Suicide is now the leading cause of death for men under 45 in the UK. This isn’t just a blip on the radar; it’s a trend that’s been building for years, with suicide rates among men, especially young men aged 15 to 24, reaching 21 per 100,000 in 2023. Men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women, and the gap is only growing (7.43-7.47).
What’s behind these numbers? Research shows that mental health issues among boys and men are often hidden. Many struggle in silence, shaped by cultural expectations of stoicism and self-reliance. When researchers looked at the words men used to describe themselves before taking their own lives, the two most common were “useless” and “worthless” (0.43-0.53). That’s not just a statistic—it’s a crisis of meaning, a sign that many men feel disconnected from purpose and value.
"The suicide rate is four times higher and rising."
"The two most commonly used words were useless and worthless."
Unspoken Struggles: Mental Health Issues Among Boys
It starts young. About 28% of boys aged 3 to 17 have mental, emotional, behavioral, or developmental problems—higher than the rate for girls. Yet, these mental health issues in boys often go unaddressed. There’s a reluctance to seek help, sometimes because boys are taught to “tough it out” or keep their feelings to themselves. The result? Many carry these struggles into adulthood, where they can become overwhelming.
The Friendship Recession and Social Isolation
Another factor you can’t ignore is the rise of loneliness and social isolation among men. The term “friendship recession” is now used to describe a growing trend: men, especially as they age, are losing close connections. Fewer friendships, less social support, and more isolation—all of these contribute to worsening mental health outcomes. Studies indicate that men’s loneliness and social isolation are key drivers behind the rising suicide rates and declining well-being.
The COVID-19 Effect: Widening the Gap
The COVID-19 pandemic didn’t create these problems, but it made them worse. As referenced in the transcript (7.52-8.07), the pandemic amplified existing vulnerabilities. College enrollment rates dropped seven times more for men than for women in the US. Men died in much greater numbers from COVID-19, yet these impacts received little attention. The focus was often on women and girls, while the unique challenges facing boys and men went largely unreported (8.07-8.55).
The pandemic widened already present gaps in mental health outcomes. Social distancing, job losses, and the disruption of daily routines hit men hard, especially those already struggling with mental health issues or social isolation. For many, the sense of being “useless” or “worthless” only deepened.
Behind the Numbers: Lifespan and Help-Seeking
Men also live, on average, five years less than women. While many factors contribute to this gap, mental health plays a significant role. The reluctance to seek help for emotional problems—rooted in old cultural scripts—means that many men don’t get the support they need until it’s too late.
- 28% of boys (3-17) have mental or developmental issues—higher than girls
- Suicide rates among young men (15-24): 21 per 100,000 (2023)
- Men are 4x more likely than women to die by suicide
- Average lifespan: men live 5 years less than women
- COVID-19 increased mental health challenges and social isolation
Chart: Suicide Rates by Gender and Age Group (2023)
These numbers and stories make it clear: men’s mental health is in crisis. The statistics aren’t just data points—they’re signals that something fundamental needs attention. If you’re looking at men’s health statistics, mental health issues in boys, suicide rates among men, or men’s loneliness and social isolation, the evidence is overwhelming. The old script is fading, and the need for new solutions has never been more urgent.
Grades, Gaps, and Getting Lost: Education’s Male Problem
When you look at the landscape of education today, one thing becomes clear: boys are facing serious educational challenges. The numbers tell a story that’s hard to ignore. At nearly every level—elementary, middle, high school, and college—boys are now significantly behind girls in academic achievement. This isn’t just a small gap. It’s a trend that’s been growing, and research shows it’s tied to broader issues of educational underachievement among boys and men.
The Gender Gap: Flipped and Growing
Decades ago, the conversation around education focused on helping girls catch up to boys. Fast forward to now, and the script has completely flipped. As highlighted in the transcript (7.32-7.39), there’s a bigger gender gap in higher education than there was in the 1970s—just the other way around. More women than men are earning college degrees, and this reversal is reshaping the future for young men across the country.
“There’s a bigger gender gap in higher education now than there was in the 70s—the other way around.”
What does this mean in practical terms? Boys are less likely to graduate high school, less likely to enroll in college, and less likely to finish if they do enroll. The numbers are stark, and the implications are even more so.
COVID-19: Widening the Divide
The COVID-19 pandemic didn’t just disrupt learning; it made existing problems worse. According to recent data and as referenced in the transcript (8.00-8.10), male enrollment in college dropped seven times more than female enrollment in the U.S. during the pandemic. That’s not a typo—seven times more. This sudden drop has set back progress for boys and men even further, deepening the educational underachievement boys already faced.
| Data Point | Description |
|---|---|
| US college enrollment drop during COVID | 7x greater for men than women |
| Reversed gender gap in higher education | Now more women than men in college compared to the 1970s |
| High school suspension and dropout rates | Boys have higher rates than girls |
Discipline, Dropouts, and Disengagement
But it’s not just about college. Boys face higher suspension rates and lower graduation rates than girls, starting as early as elementary school. These early setbacks often predict a lifetime of disadvantage. When boys are suspended or drop out, they’re not just missing classes—they’re missing opportunities to build the skills and confidence needed for future success. This is one of the key challenges faced by men and boys today, and it’s a problem that compounds over time.
The Role Model Problem
Another factor that research points to is the lack of male role models in both schools and homes. Many boys grow up without seeing men in teaching positions or even at home. This absence can make it harder for boys to see education as relevant or achievable. Imagine being a teenage boy whose father lost his job in manufacturing—a once-stable path for men that’s now shrinking. Suddenly, school can feel less relevant, and the motivation to succeed academically can fade.
Early Struggles, Lifelong Impact
What starts in childhood rarely stays there. Early academic struggles often predict lifelong educational disadvantage. Boys who fall behind in reading or math in elementary school are more likely to struggle in high school, less likely to graduate, and less likely to pursue higher education. This cycle of underachievement doesn’t just affect individual boys—it shapes families, communities, and the workforce.
As you look at these patterns, it’s clear that the educational challenges boys face are not isolated. They’re part of a larger story about changing roles, shifting expectations, and the urgent need to address the challenges faced by men and boys in today’s world.
Money Talks, But Does It Listen? Men and the Economic Shift
If you look closely at the economic challenges men face today, you’ll notice a story that’s both familiar and quietly unsettling. The old script—where men were expected to be the primary breadwinners—has faded, but nothing quite replaced it. Instead, you see a new landscape where the rules have changed, and not everyone is keeping up. This shift is especially tough for working-class and less-educated men, and it’s even more pronounced for men of color. The economic empowerment of women has been a huge step forward, but it’s also exposed new vulnerabilities for men and boys. Let’s untangle what’s really happening.
The Decline of Traditional Male Industries
For decades, manufacturing, construction, and other male-dominated sectors offered stable, well-paying jobs for men without college degrees. But as these industries decline in advanced economies, many men find themselves left behind. Research shows that long-term joblessness is rising among men without higher education, and the gap between them and their college-educated peers is only getting wider.
- Manufacturing jobs have moved overseas or been replaced by automation.
- Construction and similar trades are less stable than they once were.
- Service sector growth hasn’t provided the same level of pay or status.
At neighborhood cookouts, it’s common to hear men talk about layoffs and underemployment far more than promotions or new opportunities. The conversation has shifted from ambition to survival.
Wage Stagnation and Racial Disparities
One of the most striking economic challenges men face is wage stagnation. Working-class men, especially those without a college degree, have seen their real wages flatline or even decline. But the situation is even more severe for men of color. According to recent data, Black and Hispanic men earn 35-45% less than white men on average. This isn’t just a statistic—it’s a reality that shapes lives, families, and communities.
| Demographic | Average Earnings Compared to White Men |
|---|---|
| Black Men | 35-45% less |
| Hispanic Men | 35-45% less |
As one expert put it,
'Boys and men, especially men of color, face significant challenges in income, education, and health.'These disparities aren’t just about paychecks—they’re about opportunity, dignity, and the sense of purpose that comes from meaningful work.
The Impact of Economic Empowerment of Women
The economic empowerment of women has changed the game in many ways. More women are earning degrees, entering the workforce, and achieving financial independence than ever before. This shift has challenged the traditional male provider role, but it hasn’t erased the expectations or pressures that many men feel. Instead, it’s created a new dynamic—one where men’s financial security is increasingly tied to education and adaptability.
- Women’s progress in education and employment is a positive step for equality.
- However, men without college degrees are struggling to find their place in this new economy.
- Traditional roles have faded, but new models for male success aren’t always clear.
You might notice that policy-makers often focus on empowering women and girls (which is essential), but sometimes overlook the economic vulnerabilities specific to boys and men. The result? A growing sense of drift and loss of purpose among men who feel left out of the new economy.
Economic Insecurity and Identity
Economic insecurity isn’t just about money. For many men, it’s tied to identity and self-worth. When stable work disappears, so does a sense of direction. The decline of male-dominated industries, wage stagnation, and persistent racial disparities all deepen this crisis. And while the economic empowerment of women has brought much-needed progress, it’s also highlighted the need to address the unique challenges faced by men and boys.
| Trend | Impact on Men |
|---|---|
| Long-term joblessness (men without college degrees) | Increasing |
| Traditional male-centric industries | Declining |
In this new economic landscape, education is more important than ever. Without it, the gap between those who thrive and those who struggle continues to widen. The challenges faced by men and boys are real, complex, and often overlooked—but understanding them is the first step toward finding solutions.
Lost Friendships: The Quiet Epidemic Among Men
If you’re a man today, you might notice something quietly unsettling: friendships don’t come as easily as they once did. The so-called friendship recession men face is leaving many lonelier and more isolated than ever before. This isn’t just a passing phase or a minor social shift. It’s a deep, growing issue that’s reshaping the mental and physical health landscape for men everywhere.
Research shows that men are less likely than women to have close friends. In fact, a growing percentage of men now report having no close friends at all. The numbers are stark, and the stories behind them are even more telling. For many, the loss of school and work as primary social centers has made it harder to maintain or even form meaningful connections. Once you leave the structured environments of classrooms or the camaraderie of a workplace, the opportunities to build friendships can dwindle fast.
This trend is more than just a social inconvenience. It’s a quiet epidemic with serious consequences. As social ties fade, men’s loneliness and social isolation increase—a pattern that’s both a cause and a consequence of the modern mental health crisis facing men and boys (see 9.34-9.36). Studies indicate that isolation can make men more vulnerable to depression, anxiety, and even physical health problems. In some tragic cases, the loss of friendship and support may help explain the rise in mental health issues and suicide rates among men, especially those in working-class communities (9.36-9.43).
Why is this happening? For one, social ties among men often fade after major life changes. Divorce, job loss, or moving to a new city can all disrupt established circles. Unlike women, who tend to maintain friendships through regular communication and emotional sharing, men’s friendships often revolve around shared activities—sports, clubs, or group hobbies. But as participation in these group activities declines, often replaced by more solitary pursuits, the opportunities for connection shrink.
There’s also a cultural script at play. Many men are taught, directly or indirectly, to be self-reliant and stoic. Reaching out for support or admitting loneliness can feel like breaking an unwritten rule. This can create a vicious cycle: the lonelier you feel, the harder it becomes to reach out, and the more isolated you become. The challenges faced by men and boys in building and maintaining friendships are rarely discussed openly, but they’re deeply felt.
Let’s not overlook the odd comfort that comes from arguing with a buddy over nothing—sports teams, music, or even the best way to grill a steak. Sometimes, these seemingly trivial interactions are the most important connections a guy has. They offer a sense of belonging, a reminder that you’re not alone in the world, even if you’re just debating the finer points of last night’s game.
The data paints a clear picture:
- A growing percentage of men report having no close friends.
- There’s been a notable drop in men’s group membership and organized activities.
- Isolation rises sharply after divorce or job loss.
'Friendship recession' and social isolation are growing issues among men, contributing to loneliness and mental health struggles.
This friendship recession men experience isn’t just about missing out on fun or companionship. It’s about a fundamental shift in how men relate to each other and the world. The loss of these connections feeds into, and is fed by, the broader mental health crisis. In the UK, for example, suicide rates among men remain alarmingly high, a tragic outcome that’s often linked to isolation and a lack of support (9.41-9.43).
As you look around, you might notice fewer men gathering for pickup games, fewer regulars at the local club, and more men spending time alone. The decline of these group activities isn’t just a sign of changing times—it’s a warning sign. Social isolation among men is both a cause and a consequence of the growing mental health crisis. It’s a cycle that needs attention, understanding, and, perhaps most importantly, honest conversation.
Who Gets to Rewrite the Script? Toward Positive Masculinity
If you’ve ever felt like the rules for being a man are changing faster than you can keep up, you’re not alone. In recent years, the debate over toxic vs. positive masculinity has finally taken center stage. You might notice that everywhere—from podcasts to classrooms to your social feed—people are asking: What does it mean to be a man today? (12.35-12.37)
For a long time, the “old script” was clear, if limiting. Men were expected to be tough, silent, and stoic. Vulnerability? Off-limits. Emotional openness? Not encouraged. But as those old expectations fade, many men and boys are left with a lot of “don’ts” and not many “dos.” As the transcript notes, “we’ve got quite a lot of don’ts… but not a very long list of dos” (12.43-12.48). This uncertainty leaves many feeling adrift, unsure of their role or place in the world (12.50-13.02).
So, who gets to rewrite the script? The answer is: all of us. Communities, leaders, and everyday men are tentatively inventing a new understanding of positive masculinity—one that values openness, care, and diversity over rigid roles. Research shows there’s real momentum for building a healthier model of masculinity that includes seeking help, showing emotion, and embracing vulnerability.
Redefining Masculinity: From Stoicism to Shared Responsibility
New models of masculinity focus on vulnerability, community, and shared responsibility. Instead of the lone-wolf mentality, you’re seeing more men join support groups, participate in men’s health initiatives, and speak openly about their struggles. In fact, the number of men participating in mental health support groups has risen, and public discourse about positive masculinity has increased compared to a decade ago.
Public figures and everyday men alike are advocating for a broader emotional range. It’s becoming more common—and less stigmatized—for men to seek therapy, talk about mental health, or simply admit when they’re struggling. The “head of household” image is fading, replaced by more collaborative models where men and women share responsibilities and emotional labor.
The Role of Fathers: Critical for the Next Generation
One of the most powerful shifts is happening in families. The role of fathers is now seen as critical—not just as providers, but as engaged, emotionally available parents. Studies indicate that kids with involved fathers show better outcomes in mental health and school performance. When fathers model healthy emotional expression, they help their sons (and daughters) learn that it’s okay to feel, to talk, and to ask for help.
Personal stories bring this to life. Imagine a dad, after thirty years of silence, learning to say “I love you” to his son. It’s awkward, maybe even uncomfortable, but it’s transformative. These moments, though small, are rewriting the script in real time.
Challenges Faced by Men and Boys: The Need for New Narratives
Of course, the transition isn’t easy. Boys and men, especially men of color, still face significant challenges in income, education, and health. Research shows Black and Hispanic men earn 35-45% less than white men, and boys lag behind girls in graduation rates and mental health. Suicide rates among young men have risen sharply, and men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women. The decline of traditional male-dominated jobs and the lack of male role models in schools and families only add to the pressure.
Social media complicates these conversations. On one hand, it can amplify stereotypes and backlash. On the other, it creates space for new voices and narratives—places where men can talk about loneliness, friendship, and the challenges they face without judgment. Disagreement is healthy; it signals an era where being a man is an open question worth real discussion.
“I’m trying to make it less provocative… more databased, more mainstream.”
Healthy expressions of masculinity now include seeking help, showing emotion, and supporting others. Men’s health groups and therapy are becoming less stigmatized. Older men who model these behaviors are forging new scripts for younger boys. The silence and stoicism that defined past generations are quietly being rejected by a new one—one that’s ready to embrace a broader, more inclusive vision of what it means to be a man.
FAQ: Untangling the Crisis Facing Men and Boys
When you look at the challenges faced by men and boys today, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the statistics and stories. This FAQ aims to provide clear, research-backed answers to some of the most pressing questions, helping you better understand the landscape and what you can do to support the men and boys in your life.
Why are suicide rates so much higher for men?
Men’s health statistics reveal a stark reality: men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women. In the US, a man dies by suicide roughly every 13 minutes, and it’s the leading cause of death for men under 45 in the UK. Research shows several factors contribute to this crisis. Men are less likely to seek help for mental health struggles, often due to stigma or a sense of shame. The decline of traditional roles—like being the family breadwinner—has left many men feeling “useless” or “unneeded,” especially if they are partnerless or childless. Social isolation, economic hardship, and a lack of clear purpose can all combine to create a dangerous situation. The COVID-19 pandemic only made things worse, with men experiencing higher rates of job loss, isolation, and mental health challenges.
How does education impact a young man’s life chances today?
Educational challenges boys face have become more pronounced over the past few decades. Boys now lag behind girls at nearly every educational level. They are less likely to graduate from high school, more likely to be suspended, and less likely to attend or complete college. This educational gap has real-world consequences: men without college degrees are more likely to experience underemployment, lower wages, and economic instability. These setbacks can ripple out, affecting self-esteem, relationships, and mental health. As Richard Reeves points out, the shift in educational achievement means that young men today have fewer clear pathways to success than previous generations.
Is the economic gap between men and women closing, or just shifting direction?
The economic landscape is changing. While the gender pay gap has narrowed, the gap is now shifting in some surprising ways. In many advanced economies, women are outpacing men in higher education and entering professional fields in greater numbers. However, not all men are affected equally. Men of color, especially Black and Hispanic men, continue to earn significantly less than white men—by as much as 35-45%. The decline of traditional male-dominated industries has left many working-class men without stable employment. So, while some gaps are closing, new ones are opening, and the challenges faced by men and boys are becoming more complex.
What can families and schools do to support boys?
Supporting boys requires both individualized attention and systemic change. Families can encourage open conversations about emotions and mental health, model healthy relationships, and help boys find purpose through responsibility and service. Schools can make a difference by hiring more male teachers, addressing disciplinary disparities, and providing mentorship programs. Research indicates that positive male role models—whether at home or in the classroom—can help boys develop resilience, agency, and a sense of belonging. The key is to recognize each boy’s unique strengths and challenges, rather than relying on outdated stereotypes.
Are men really lonelier now, or is it just reported more?
Studies indicate that loneliness among men is not just a matter of increased reporting—it’s a real and growing problem. The “friendship recession” is especially pronounced among young men, with 15% of men under 30 in the US reporting no close friends, up from just 3% in 1990. The decline of community institutions, changing family structures, and the rise of digital culture have all contributed to social isolation. Men often struggle to form and maintain friendships, especially after major life changes like retirement or divorce.
What’s the difference between positive and toxic masculinity?
The conversation around masculinity is evolving. “Toxic masculinity” is often used to describe harmful behaviors like aggression, emotional repression, or dominance. However, as Reeves argues, it’s more productive to talk about “mature” versus “immature” masculinity. Positive masculinity is about agency, responsibility, and caring for others—qualities that benefit everyone. It’s not about erasing traditional masculine traits, but channeling them in healthy, constructive ways. The challenge is to give boys and men a new script: one that values service, connection, and emotional openness, without resorting to stereotypes or slurs.
In the end, untangling the modern crisis facing men and boys means recognizing the complexity of these issues. By combining empathy, research, and practical support, you can help create a future where all young people—regardless of gender—have the opportunity to thrive.
TL;DR: Boys and men are facing new and sometimes invisible challenges—from education gaps to mental health crises—largely because society’s old rules no longer apply. Without a clear script, it's time to rethink how we support and understand the modern male experience.
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